Did we once... have a joke thread? General Chat

The Problem With Bob

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, 'Man, what happened to you?

He said, 'Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night. '

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing - hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, 'Man, what happened to you? You look awful!'

He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night .'

The third night was Pete's turn. Pete was a big burly ex-Navy man; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. ' Good morning,' he said.

They couldn't believe it! They said, 'Man, what happened?'

He said, 'Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night...'

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Dad, where did my name come from?

One day a man was sitting on the porch, reading a book while keeping an eye on his 3 kids who were playing in the yard. The eldest, Rose, comes up to him and says "Dad, I was wondering, why did you name me Rose?"

"Well you'd never believe it, but when you were born a rose petal fell from a bouquet on the hospital nightstand onto your head!"

Rose thinks that's perfectly reasonable and goes off to play again.

Shortly after, the middle child, Lilly, came over to the porch just as the man's wife came out to join them. Lilly said "Rose told me you named her after a flower fell on her head so I wanna know where my name came from!"

The wife chirps up: "Oh, well just after you were born, a petal from a lilly fell from a bouquet on the hospital nightstand!"

Lilly, too, thinks this is perfectly reasonable and goes back to playing in the yard.

Not 5 minutes later do the mom and dad hear a screech and a crash as their youngest child falls off of the roof holding an umbrella. The mother screams and the father yells "Damnit, Cinderblock, not again!"

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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks he’s stupid, stand up!”

After a few seconds, little Joe stood up. The teacher was surprised, but realized this was an opportune moment to help a child.

“Do you think you’re stupid, Joe?” she asked.

“No, ma’am,” Joe replied, “but I hated to see you standing there all by yourself!”

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Groan

It was not so much a "Groan" from me when I saw that, Marc - it was hysterical cackling because of my evil and warped sense of humour!

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Now we are living through an actual plague, I can totally understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are full of fat, naked people, lying around on couches!

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A doctor has an appointment with 3 of his crazy patient to see if they are doing any better.

He asks the first one: "3 times 4 ?"
"1484"

Wrong. Disappointed, he asks the second one the same thing: "3 times 4 ?"
"Wednesday"

Wrong again, he asks the same thing to the third one: "3 times 4?"
The third one immediately answers "12".

The doctor is surprised that the last one got it right: "Wow, how did you get to that answer?"

"It was easy", says the last one. "I divided 1484 by Wednesday".