Did we once... have a joke thread? General Chat

I'm glad I didn't upset you. And your stories make me smile.
A few strange things happened after my dad passed.
One was, a few days before the funeral me and my fiance left my house after the snow had stopped, went to my parents house but realised I'd lost my house keys to my house. So asked neighbours both sides that if they come across them to post them, or keep them for me. The priest turned up at my mum's and I told him what happened so we said a prayer (I'm so far away from religious you wouldn't believe), but went along with it, asking for help from whichever Saint deals with lost things? Stayed at mums that night, and went back home where the snow was still down, researched the ground leading to and from my house like we had done the previous day. People were walking past as normal, And as I approached my front door I saw on the step my house keys. Asked both neighbours had they left them there, both replying no.....
Second spooky experience.
Dad was buried by this time, so went up with Vikkx (my fiance) to the cemetery after work. Lost my bank card. Retraced our steps, but Vikkx took a different line of stones back to my dad's grave and found my card. Which was weird as I never use that route?
Now I don't believe in anything, spirituality, ghosts or anything along those lines, but that did make me think?

Stranger than fiction. There have been some strange things in our family too.

Strange? I am an orthodox Jew although I am bad in that I use my computer on the Sabbath which is forbidden, but that is my problem and I accept it. However, Father, who had been in hospital for nine months, dying of renal failure, somehow made sure that I, the baby of the family, was the one to do everything. Because I was the nearest, living just round the corner.

Our custom is that we lay our dead to rest on the day they die. But Father died on a Friday, too late because of Shabbat. Which gave me time to contact family from both sides, most of whom had been out of contact for years...

And I was able to contact family members ten years later when my son was Bar Mitzva and sitting in the synagogue Mother saw her brother, and said how the Hades is he here?

I just said "Oh, Father must have told him to come!"

My Grandmother had bone cancer, and had spent about 6 months living in the North with us. This was a lot of stress for my Mum, so my Uncle took her back to London with him to give Mum a break. Whilst in London, she was admitted to Guy's hospital and the outlook was grim.
Mum worried so much that she consulted a spiritualist, who told her that she would be contacted, to tell her to get to Guy's, at 8pm on a given date, (sorry, would have to look it up, - 60 years ago), but that she wouldn't get there in time. Mum packed a bag, and left it in the hall - just in case.
Sure enough, on that date the phone rang at exactly 8pm. Mum immediately phoned for a taxi, and when she reached the station, there was a train for London standing in and due to depart. She bought her ticket and boarded, and the train left within a couple of minutes. Mum really thought she had cheated the prediction, but as she walked up the corridor to the ward, my Uncle stepped out, and broke the news that their Mother had just passed.
This is true, and still amazes me.

View attachment 6550 Strange thread which has turned into a strange subject, but I think it is good for all of us. These are subjects that we remember and maybe the memories are good and if not, maybe they help?

My children were so young, Avigail 5 and Daniel 3 - and every day I took them to the hospital to see their Grandfather. And yes, I did explain as best I could that the doctors could not make him better, and that G-d could not help the doctors any more, and Daniel asked if Grandpa would come in a black covered box when we could no longer go to see him.

I took them to the burial site after the stone was put up, and they both kissed it.

I pay every year for the stone to be cleaned - Mother of course is there too, because neither of my sisters ever go there.

Strange thread which has turned into a strange subject, but I think it is good for all of us. These are subjects that we remember and maybe the memories are good and if not, maybe they help?

My children were so young, Avigail 5 and Daniel 3 - and every day I took them to the hospital to see their Grandfather. And yes, I did explain as best I could that the doctors could not make him better, and that G-d could not help the doctors any more, and Daniel asked if Grandpa would come in a black covered box when we could no longer go to see him.

I took them to the burial site after the stone was put up, and they both kissed it.

I pay every year for the stone to be cleaned - Mother of course is there too, but neither of my sisters ever go there.

Sorry, I tried to edit my post but it did not work.

I went to the opticians, but the receptionist said he can't see you right now, and thought he ain't much of an optician then is he?

I am not talking to mine at the moment as he is not anserwering his phone. I think it is on strike.

Perhaps he can't find it!

Maybe he fell of his bike?

Question:

If kidnap means to steal a child...
...and dognap means to steal a dog...

Why does catnap means to have a short sleep?

I never got to see much of my dad as a child, because he was really good at hide and seek!

My mum used to be a lollipop lady. Long thing body and a big round sticky head!

Apparently Jeremy Paxman is opening a new restaurant. And it's 10 pound for a starter!

According to reports, the pope absolutely loves cats? He's a Cataholic!

I went to an oriental restaurant and asked for the best chop they do, and got hit in the face!

I met my girlfriend while on a tandem bungee jumping, we've had our ups and downs but are still together!

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Tell me about it!