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Did we once... have a joke thread? General Chat

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Malka, Jul 27, 2016.

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  1. CaroleC

    CaroleC Member

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    #301 Jan 23, 2019
    BronsonTheBulldog and Malka like this.
    It snowed here yesterday, and it has stayed frozen all day today.
    This morning my mouth was so cold, I had to grit my teeth.

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  2. CaroleC

    CaroleC Member

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    #302 Jan 24, 2019
    BronsonTheBulldog, who owns who and Malka like this.
    I think the cold weather is affecting my horsey friend in Derbyshire.
    She asks, Why do cows have hooves?

    Because they lactose. Boom boom!
  3. Malka

    Malka Member

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    #303 Jan 25, 2019
    BronsonTheBulldog likes this.
    [​IMG] ​
  4. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    #304 Jan 27, 2019
    CaroleC likes this.
    Someone has some left over Christmas crackers!!! :p
  5. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    #305 Jan 27, 2019
    CaroleC and Malka like this.
    I keep getting several emails a day offering a Penis enlargement. I wouldn't usually mind, but it's the ones from my wife that hurt the most!
  6. Malka

    Malka Member

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    #306 Jan 28, 2019
    BronsonTheBulldog and who owns who like this.
    [​IMG] ​
  7. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    #307 Jan 28, 2019
    :043:
  8. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    #308 Jan 28, 2019
    Malka and CaroleC like this.
    I just hired a dyslexic Private investigator. All he did was stand around staring at my hedges!
  9. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    #309 Jan 28, 2019
    Malka likes this.
    You'd think by 'Mission Impossible 2' Tom Cruise would've worked out that they weren't that 'Impossible!'
  10. Malka

    Malka Member

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    #310 Jan 29, 2019
    [​IMG] ​
  11. CaroleC

    CaroleC Member

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    #311 Jan 29, 2019
    No. Only one kid. Suspect the first!
  12. Malka

    Malka Member

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    #312 Jan 30, 2019
    who owns who and CaroleC like this.
    [​IMG] ​
  13. CaroleC

    CaroleC Member

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    #313 Jan 30, 2019
    Malka likes this.
    Apparently the word 'Beefsteak' is not suitable for use as a password.

    It is not Stroganoff.
  14. who owns who

    who owns who Member

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    #314 Jan 30, 2019
    Malka likes this.
    I snapped a screenshot and sent this to my almost 82 year old father who was in the hospital and is now recovering from a severe infection on his leg at a rehabilitation facility. He said he had just told my mother that because of a stool softener they’d been giving him he was now able fart without fear... and than he received the screenshot from me. He said he tried to read it to my mother but he couldn’t as he was laughing to hard. My mother hates this type of humor... When I first read it I almost spit out my lunch... I share my father’s sense of humor
  15. CaroleC

    CaroleC Member

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    #315 Jan 30, 2019
    Malka and who owns who like this.
    What do you call a zoo that has just one dog?

    A Shih Tzu.
  16. CaroleC

    CaroleC Member

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    #316 Jan 30, 2019
    Malka likes this.
    Sorry to any Irish readers.

    I saw Paddy struggling to carry a large wardrobe up the road on his own.
    I said, 'I thought Mick was supposed to be giving you a hand moving that'.
    Paddy replied, 'He is helping. He's inside carrying the clothes'.
  17. Malka

    Malka Member

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    #317 Jan 31, 2019
    [​IMG]
  18. CaroleC

    CaroleC Member

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    #318 Jan 31, 2019
    Ugh!
  19. Malka

    Malka Member

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    #319 Jan 31, 2019
    Sorreee - I should have checked as I posted the wrong one :oops:
  20. Malka

    Malka Member

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    #320 Feb 1, 2019
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    A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician did the same tricks each week. However, there was a problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting out the secrets in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat." "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

    The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was, after all, the captain's parrot.

    One day, the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself with the parrot, adrift on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another, and another.

    Finally, after a week, the parrot said, "Okay, I give up. Where the heck is the boat?"
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