Did we once... have a joke thread? General Chat

Yes, this cropped up on the Beagle group this week. Very funny.
BTW. Your Tennassee Honey is on offer at Tesco. £22 for the litre size.

Thank you for update Carole.

This is hilarious but I must warn you it contains a swearword

I'm giving up drugs on boxing day. I'm going cold turkey

Hi Ho Ho.

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book...

The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?

‘Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.

For all I know you could start at any moment.

I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment.

For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL:

Never argue with a woman who reads.

Oops - I missed the complete "joke"

It should have shown:

Sensually Subtle

"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little smile,slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me another sexy little smile,seductively reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen £10,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a look in the garage."

My car has a sat nav that you talk to and it gives you directions. I said 'I'm hungry' and it gave me directions to a restaurant. Then I said 'I'm lonely' and it came back with 'calculating route to Switzerland!'

Did you hear about the shoe bomber? He popped his cloggs!

I just went to the bank and the cashpoint asked me did I wanna check my balance. So I stood on one leg and it was ok!

They say blood is thicker than water, so we have to be nice to family. But custard is thicker than blood, so does that mean we have to be nice to Trifles?!

You can take a horse to water, but you can't take it to a discotheque!

Do you think before James Bond had a licence to kill, he had a provisional licence to kill? Walking round with L Plates and a duel control gun or something?

I duz not kerno but since in stoopid o'clock until just now had a frliiiihjyguihjygj ] oh it idbsbsck ----hellyup it i g id back avaava f

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I think someone's keyboard is haunted again!!!

As it is now 4.53am on Monday 22 January, ReminderFox is still telling me Tikki Dindins for 8pm yesterday [Sunday] not yet cancelled - her tether is all over the place and not neatly coiled up...

...and there appear to be crutches all over the place [we do not mention the thousands of toys not put away] ...

...I think I can say that - yes, something was haunted!

Hellup peeplliews I I think I had an iixkclwkw umm - I think it went that-awa,