Hit the stage v. To make a dramatic entrance, usually by way of slamming or ‘barnstorming’ through a door to announce to all and sundry occupying a particular room that ‘I am here, you must be thrilled to see me’ Hit the deck v. Occurs when an attempt to ‘hit the stage’ is made against a closed door. Legal technicality n. Occurs when human food is placed out of bounds, on a coffee table for instance, and the dog is aware that taking said food from table would be deemed ‘illegal’. A legal technicality occurs when food is ‘accidentally’ knocked to the floor by a ‘clumsy’ dog at which point the food can be consumed on a legal technicality. See no Evil, there is no Evil n. An occasional tactical plea of innocence used when rebuffing an accusation of a canine crime. The dog may plead not guilty to an act of wrong doing by issuing the ‘see no evil, there is no evil’ defence. The defence is constructed around the theory that if the dog refuses to look or even acknowledge any part of a canine crime scene then said crime never occurred. Example: The dog, whilst innocently trying to take care of an irritating itch behind the ear may accidentally kick over a small table featuring a highly breakable ornament. Upon ornament smashing to floor, the dog’s owner will rush to the crime scene and issue an instant charge that ‘the dog did it’. By refusing to look at the damage and in fact by actively averting their gaze to absolutely anywhere in the room away from the shards of broken bone china littering their immediate vicinity, the dog is issuing a robust defence on the grounds that; ‘I can’t see anything and therefore there is nothing to see here, please move along and carry on with your business’. The Court Jester descriptive. The Court Jester is a dog capable of injecting any situation with their own brand of canine humour to uproarious levels of laughter. Court Jesters come in all shapes and sizes and tend to be born comedians. In some cases the Court Jester does not realise they are comedic, which tends to make them even funnier. By a strange twist of fate, Court Jesters are often partnered by serious or stern owners and can often be seen trying to turn a serious or solemn situation into a laugh-a-minute comedy-fest with their slapstick antics. http://www.k9magazine.com/dogosaurus/
PART 2 A meal deal v. When a dog kindly offers you its favourite toy in exchange for whatever it is you may be eating. Breaching the meal deal v. A breach of the meal deal (above) occurs when the dog finishes eating what you have given them and then demands their toy back instantly, either by way of physically taking it from you or repeatedly ‘shouting’ at you to give it back. A Bullish Celebration n. The act of kicking out the rear legs in a triumphant, bull-like fashion following a toilet stop. Make no mistake, unlike their feline counterpart, the canine species is not seeking to hide their shame with a mock burial of their ‘doings’. No, this is a self-congratulatory act intended to show the world how proud they are of their work with the aid of a highly visible bullish celebration. Supermarket Superhero descriptive. Upon your return from a grocery shopping expedition you will instantly be heralded as a ‘Supermarket Superhero’ in the eyes of your adoring dog. You see, they don’t fully understand the concept of what we humans commonly recognise as 21st Century commerce, i.e. the act of handing over paper in exchange for goods, in this case edible goods. Thus when you go out shopping, to your dog you are on a hunting expedition and as such, when you consistently return with such impressive spoils as freshly caught wild donuts and a bag full of that elusive prey known as cereal in a box, you instantly become the Supermarket Superhero. It is not wrong to take advantage of this elevated status in the household; in fact you are entitled to bask in it whilst the dog assists you in examining the spoils of your expedition. Storm Warning n. You know it’s coming. You can spot it a mile off, smell it even. You’ve instigated a bit of play with Max or Maxine and they’ve made their mind up, ‘ok, it’s on’. The ears slick back, the face tightens and the head sits deadly still for a moment. Their whole body contorts into a coiled spring-like pose and you know that even the slightest movement from you will trigger the storm about to be unleashed in your living room. Too late, they're off. Hurtling round and round at a speed transforming your once trusty ally into a motion blur, hind legs tucked up as far as they’ll go in an effort to develop yet more speed and then, finally a brief moment of calm. You look into their face and realise one wrong move from you and they’ll be off again, this time even faster. Worth noting is the fact that certain acts can trigger a storm. Holding your breath before blowing on their nose for example, playing a vigorous game of chase or hiding a favourite toy for too long are all likely to stir up a canine force of nature. One thing you can be sure of though, your dog is incapable of hiding the tell-tale signs of a storm brewing.[/quote] http://k9magazine.com/blog/naming-dogs-quirks/ [I eagerly await Part 3!
I have no idea when there will be Part 3 - assuming, of course, that there will be another part. I do hope so as I think they are so funny!
