Did we once... have a joke thread? General Chat

Th UK Government!

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IT’S A LITTLE-GNOME FACT THAT THESE GUYS SOMETIMES DISGUISE THEMSELVES BEFORE TROLLING PEOPLE ON SOCIAL MEDIA

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Did you hear about the dog who went to the flea circus.

He stole the show

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What do a thong and trumps hair have in common?


They both barely cover the A hole

When I worked as a waiter in a restaurant and someone asked to hear The Specials, I'd start singing This town (town) is coming like a ghost town!

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You never hear any news stories about 'Disorganized Crime!'

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A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. They decide
to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay,
but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks,
"Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen," he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down, because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream -- I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he grumbles off into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate
of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says...

..."Where's my toast?

What do you think is the largest dog in the world?