Did we once... have a joke thread? General Chat

I concur.

I heard Kevin bacon was ill but he's been cured now!

Having never tasted it, does bacon really tastes like it smells when being cooked?

No idea, I'm anosmic, which for those not medically trained, means I have no sense of smell!

Well there are some odours I could easily do without, but is yours the sort where you have Ageusia as well?

Nah - you would not enjoy your drinkypoos if you had no sense of taste.

Would you?

Yeah just the lack of smell since birth for me, which has meant I've never smelt a roast dinner cooking, a new born baby smell or freshly cut grass. I've often had friends say Ooh, smell this or that, and then realise and go sorry i forgot!
My sense of taste is fine though, but I've never known any different.

Ah - the smell of a new born baby... except when they poo. Oh, this always happens, Breedia seems to keep coming back to poo!

But as this is in an Off Topic section, which some idjit started [says she looking innocent] I accept all blame. But does not Mr Bronson ever let one off?

[psst, do NOT tell anyone but if bacon really does taste like it smells - and my neighbour back in England cooked it all the time...

...I think I could quite fancy a bacon sarnie]

'ush my mouff what 'ave I sed.

Yea, I was always on nappy duty for obvious reasons! And if Mr Bronson let's one off I wouldn't know if it's silent. It is funny when he does drop one and looks all surprised like he doesn't know what it was?
I hate it when the milk goes off as well, because it's not until I've either poured it on my cereal, or taken a swig that I realise, and then it's already too late!

Will someone please get me out this ringadingas I seem to have face to.

I guess my invitations will not be in the postl

What seems to be the problem Juli?

I have no idea Gareth, unless dat 'orrid ting got out of 'er crate again.

Judy married Ted; they had 13 children. Ted died.

She married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children.

Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later.

Judy married again, and this time, she and John had 5 children.

Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they are finally together.”

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend Margaret,

“Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?”
Margaret replied, “I think he means her legs, Ethel !”

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Abdul"

Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

Apologies in advance to all blondes
- - - - -
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
- - - - -
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
- - - - -
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."

She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word.

She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?"

The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

Bob left work one Friday evening.

But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Senior Logic.
Last Tuesday I cycled to the liquor store and bought a bottle of Jack Daniels. I put it in the basket, but then thought - What if I fall off the bike on the way home? I decided to drink the bottle of whiskey. Turned out it was a good decision. I fell off the bike seven times on the way home.

Think about it...

A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food!" The panda yells back, "Hey man, I'm a panda. Look it up!"

The bartender opens his dictionary to panda, "A tree climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats, shoots, and leaves."

[apologies to Lynne Truss]

And what is the date today?