Pereg is not well General Chat

Her toys will stay here. I will take a monkey or two and her honking goose to bed as she always took them. Toys everywhere where she took them and dropped them.

I should have given her another chance but it was time. How am I going to cope now?

Malka you did the right thing for Pereg she's now free of that terrible illness xxxx

You fought a brave fight Malka, but the Monster was just too strong. Pereg is at peace now, and will live on in your memories. Of course you are distressed now, but your rational mind knows that you did your best, and had the courage to do the right thing at the end.
Big Hug.

It is possible you could have waited but it looks very unlikely that she would improve with having had a severe seizure like that. So I still think you did the right thing. I have also heard of dogs sometimes not fully recovering after a very severe one. It changes them some way and you felt something was wrong. So this seems beyond what she'd been through before. It is hard to cope with but she will not ever have to suffer again.

Malka, how are you today .... please let us know as we worry about you.

Love and hugs
Barbara XXXX

Sorry Barbara - I keep sleeping as I do not have to keep to her med times now.. And it does not feel right.

Sometimes sleep is easier. You don't have to think about the one you have lost. It is a good escape.

Just a little note to say I'm thinking of you Malka. If your body says you need to sleep, you are right to listen to it.

Sleep two hours, three hours, wake, sit at computer, sleep again.

It is too quiet but Ram is going to find another dog for me so I have to hang on to that. I am too old for a puppy, he thinks maybe a 3-year-old best as we will know by then she will not be epi. No way could I cope with another epi. Small. Smaller than Pereg so I can pick her up and cuddle her. Maybe 5-10 kilos max. I want a puppy but agree with him that I am too old and too disabled for a puppy. But I do not think I would be capable of a senior dog neither does he so I am leaving up to him.

He will spay her and give all shots - I say "she" because I could not cope with a male dog. And he will not charge for any of that even though I can pay.

When? He wants as soon as possible because - because he has known me for a very long time and knows I need that heartbeat by my feet and that there will be a dog looking to be that heartbeat for both of us.

It is so quiet. The slightest sound now makes me scream with fright. So used to listening for her, so used to the door being always open so she would rush out and bark if someone came here. But the door is now closed and if somebody knocks I scream with terror.

He took her wrapped in a brand new fleece blankie which I had bought to cover my knees.

But I forgot to give him one of her monkeys that she always took to bed with her.

I had no choice. She started seizing, had four major full-blown major Grand Mal epileptic seizures one after the other, maybe two minutes between? And I stuffed her full of Valium so she did not go into status and then Ram came round.

She did not know - I got on the floor and cuddled her and she just went.

And I keep looking for her and calling her but she will not come, will she.

Malka .... I'm ABSOLUTELY delighted that you're going to have another dog!
I was in two minds whether to suggest getting another smaller dog, but then decided against saying anything, feeling it might be too soon to mention the subject. I know after my beloved M'boi died and I was also hobbling around on crutches and having ongoing problems with my leg, the only thing that kept me going was my determination to have another Pei. Georgina is nothing like M'boi and will never replace her,a but I love her just as much, which I'm sure you will do with your new little girl!

Ram sounds a wonderful thoughtful man and what a good friend you have in him!

Hugs from Hungary.

I'm so sorry to read this, Malka.
Little comfort I know, but you sound to have absolutely done the right thing. Her and Little One are watching over you now, with you forever x x

I have to agree with everything that Barbara has said. I hope Ram finds a lovely little new friend for you very soon, and that dreadful silence turns to busy, busy joy.

What Vet comes round at half past midnight - he had even changed into his scrubs but I do not know why. I just remember him asking if I was sure as there would be no going back.

But it was not fair on her to make her carry on. It was not for me, for those who think I had her euthanised to make like easier for me. And they know who they are. Well they were wrong. It was for her. For Pereg. For my beloved girl who was the love of my live but who had suffered enough and who had to be released from her suffering.

It was NOT for me. It was for her, done out of my love for her Because I loved her so very much that I could not bear to see her suffer any more.

She was going into Status and I just managed to get her out by stuffing Valium into her so she was calm when Ram came.

But it was not for me. I just could not bear to see her suffer any more. Her epilepsy was so bad Ram had not expected her to live this long, only it was not long, was it.

I am like a zombie looking for her, wanting the heartbeat by my feet.

Hearing her quiet breathing, sometimes quiet snoring - and every sound and movement woke me, just in case.

But I did not expect this so soon and I did not want it. But it was her time and she knew it, I am sure she knew it. I just do not know what to do now without her.

You need a puggy or small terrier Malka something that's a good guard dog but also small to sit on your knees xxx

Or a Griffon .............

I will probably end up with - I do not know what. Ram wants me to have a small dog and no way do I want a pedigree/pure bred - I want a rescue mutt. My luck it will be one of those little yappers which are known as Min Pins which are everywhere. Half the Moshav are already looking for a dog for me. Crazy lot here. Well, whatever turns up I will love her. I just do not want a puppy. Well I do but know that would not be right. At the moment I cannot think straight so prefer to let Ram find a dog, sorry, bitch for me. About 3 years old so we know she is not epi.

Oh sure. After all the years I bred them and could not even bring my Z girl who I would never breed from again after she had had the two litters I allowed. No, they said. You will be living in a temporary apartment for five months and dogs are not allowed.

She was fine - I had her spayed and the couple with two young boys who moved into my house adopted her. So she was in her own home, where she was born and where she had her two litters - she had met them all before so was comfortable with them.

My brood girl I gave to my mentor - she was due for one more litter.

A Griffon? Where on earth would I find a red smooth Griff [no thanks, I would not want a red rough]. In Israel? I do not think there are any Griffs here. But I do not want one. I could not bring my best girl so no way.

I do not want a pure-bred. I want a small mutt who needs a loving home.

And what have I been offered so far? Not by Ram and not from the Moshav, but from the Pension where Pereg used to go sometimes for a few hours daycare so I could go down town or to the shopping centre.

A six-year-old male un-neutered Boxer dog, given up for adoption because he is totally un-house-trained and pees and poos everywhere. Oh, and he is a very large dog and has no idea about even basic commands, let alone how to walk on a leash.

Sure - that would be the perfect small bitch I want. NOT.

I know you want dog with indoors plumbing not outdoor plumbing, a cute small/medium size mix breed dog xx

Who cares about cute - somewhere there is a small bitch needing a home. As much as I need her.

Until then the silence is deafening. There no heartbeat at my feet - no sound of breathing - and no telling me some was coming down my path or had telephoned.

She was not a trained service dog but she was my hearing dog. And now I hear nothing.